Reflections of life lessons

I am many things in this life.

  I am a wife.  I love my husband.  He loves me.  things have not always gone smoothly.  We have betrayed one another in many ways.  We have caused one another pain, made serious infractions against one another, lied, misled, let one another down.

I am a parent. My children have witnessed these ways that their father and I have failed.  Our children know with considerable detail many of the ways we have hurt one another.  They know in detail the ways that we have caused tremendous damage to one another.  They have lost their home in Foreclosure.  They have resided in 8 homes in the last 4 years.  They have witnessed it. They have lived it.

They have also witnessed how we have overcome these things.  They have seen us take what was broken, and build upon them.  They have seen 2 well meaning, but broken individuals resolve to fix things.  Bind themselves together and build a healthy, well adjusted, honest marriage.  they now have 2 imperfect parents who are relatively healthy and well adjusted.  They have learned that the most desperate of situations can become a blessing.  they have learned that marriage is difficult.  They have learned that success in a relationship takes work, and compromise.  they have learned never to take for granted the people they love.  They have learned that security does not come from the building you live in or the belongings you surround yourself with.  They have learned that they can trust their parents to stick with them, through thick and thin.  They have learned that communication is vital in every relationship.

I am a woman.  here was a time that I saw myself as ugly, fat, unworthy of love.  but i have learned that beauty is not something that can be photocopied.  I have learned that I am beautiful in the way that only I can be!  Just like Cindy Crawford is beautiful as only she can be.  I have learned to love myself.   My children have witnessed this process.  they saw me learn to love myself and I think they have learned something about self-loathing.  They have learned to see beauty even in flaws.

 I talk to my children about sex.  I am in your face about it.  I want them to know that sex is not a dirty, sinful activity if it is approached correctly.  I want them to know how to be responsible.  I want them to know that I will not judge them when they make that choice for themselves.  I will instead, be available to answer questions, to discuss expectations and to help them to navigate the waters that can be quite tricky.  I want them to learn to be respectful of themselves and their partners and I want them to know that I respect them.

I am a friend, and as a friend I will always do my best to be there for you in your time of need.  I will cry with you, be your shoulder, listen and help you solve problems.  i will defend you with a vengeance and tell you how special you are.  I have also learned how to set boundaries in friendships, in relationships, because it is not healthy to be someone's oxygen.

I am a daughter and a sister, and as such I have learned that I will not always be able to make my family happy.  There will be times when the relationships with these people are not as strong as I wish they were.    There will be times that they don't understand why I make choices in my life.  I am ok with that.  I don't need to explain myself, and I must refer back to the boundaries I have learned to set in friendship.

My children have watched me Painfully learn these lessons.  It is with pride, and deep respect that I watch them apply what they have learned in their own lives.  I will make good choices, and i will make mistakes and i am ok with that.  I reject the judgement of family and friends who think that because I am not walking their path, I must be walking the wrong path.  I walk the path God lays out for me.  I learn the lessons that God has written for me.   Take the tests that God has administered to me.  I  am becoming the Alessan that God created me to be. And no editorial comments from the peanut gallery of my life will sway me.  I only hope my children learn this lesson with ease.  This may be the most important one yet.